Leah after Judah - Hope in Secondary Infertility for Christian Women

Secondary Infertility

Secondary infertility refers to an inability to conceive, after prior pregnancy. While repeat miscarriage following previous successful pregnancy is not included in the strict definition, it is usually included in the broader category.

Because a woman is experiencing problems after a previous successful pregnancy, it is bewildering to cope with if a physical reason is not known. And many times, the reason never is defined.

The attitude of others around them may be less sympathetic, especially if the woman already has more than two children. In fact, some people can be downright cruel about it.

I don't know what it is that causes that deep and persistent feeling of wanting another child to raise. It seems to spring unbidden from the depths of the heart, and refuses to be banished. Certainly it is no less strong in a woman who has a child, or many children, than it is the first time around. Indeed, it may be much stronger, since the experience of having given birth and cared for a child only strengthens those feelings in many women.

When there is a definitive cause, such as PCOS, endometriosis, surgical or other injury, premature menopause, or damage from medications, (the cause being in the mother or the father) you at least feel like you can DO something. If it goes on for months with treatment though, you may question the diagnosis, or become very discouraged, especially if others around you are experiencing success while you feel like you are failing.

Infertility, at any time, can stress a marriage also. It is not so much blame for not producing the desired result (blame actually tends to go more toward self than toward one's partner), but due to the emotional upheaval that unrealized hopes can produce when you cycle through the hope-despair merry-go-round every month. Eventually, it may become so difficult that one or the other just wants to get off.

We also feel that in our world of modern medical miracles, that something ought to be possible to cure any ill. But the fact is that only a percentage of infertile couples ever do succeed in giving birth, and only some of those do so as a direct result of treatment.

It is also especially hard when you have enough to raise a child, but not enough resources to afford expensive treatments. Most insurance companies won't touch fertility treatments, so it is all out of pocket. After spending thousands of dollars, some couples may be tapped dry. Others may not even be able to get started. It is very discouraging to feel like there is no help for you, and to go on month after month hoping for a miracle that you have long since ceased to believe will actually come to pass.

Infertility has changed me. It makes me hurt for people I never considered before. I rejoice in new life for others, while being unable to refrain from feeling envious. I believe it may have made me more compassionate, but compassion is an ongoing lesson for me, I had so little to start with. I appreciate the miracle of life, the triumph of beating the odds, and the awesome wonder of adoption in ways I would never have done had I gotten all I wanted when I wanted it.

During my pregnancy with Sidney, I was exposed to an alarming trend within the gynecological community. When a pregnancy is deemed "unviable" by ultrasound, even as early as 5-6 weeks, an immediate D&C is recommended. Women are given horror stories as to what might happen if they do not have the procedure, and they are told it is safe and a minor procedure. The truth is, that D&Cs have their own risks. Risks that are rarely spoken of. I had one after my 20 week loss (the baby was very small, so it was an option), and it took a year after that to conceive again. Statistically, this is VERY common! Yet doctors are telling women if they have the D&C they can try again in a few months, without any kind of warning that an unnecessary D&C might in fact harm their future fertility.

I am not an alarmist. I had a D&C because I was far enough along that I did not want to endure labor, which is risky for me. An unsupervised miscarriage for me at that stage could have been very dangerous since I do not produce normal hormones. Very early miscarriages (or blighted ovums), carry extremely low risks if they occur naturally. In fact, medicine has never been able to come up with any kind of invasive procedure that was superior to the natural way of doing things when they go right. The only time a D&C is necessary is if there is a history of problems which increase the risks, or when problems develop during or after a miscarriage. They should not EVER be recommended as a routine solution to a pregnancy which the doctor feels is not going to continue (not to mention that a percentage of those "unviable" pregnancies go on to produce healthy children).

Doctors continue to insist though that D&Cs are safe and harmless, even though the risk for Placenta Previa, and for Placenta Accreta (an extremely dangerous condition which most often results in a hysterectomy, and sometimes maternal injury or death), is much higher for women who have had a previous D&C. The risk is still not off the charts, but frankly, it is not a risk I'd be willing to increase unless I had a good reason.

And that is all I am saying about D&Cs. They should not be done for frivolous reasons. The reasons why they are done should be weighted against GENUINE risks, not against the attitudes of doctors who just want to get the procedure done. It does not matter to them whether it causes problems for you long term, as long as they cannot directly trace those problems to the D&C. After all, they get paid for the D&C, and then if it causes problems, they get paid to treat those too. It does make me wonder how many doctors are unknowingly (because I do believe it is mostly unknowingly) causing the very problems they are treating later as prior miscarriage patients return for fertility treatments, or for problems due to repeat miscarriage.

"And she conceived again, and bare a son:and she said, Now I will praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing." Genesis 29:35

This site is titled after this verse, which speaks of Leah. This verse offers hope, because Leah did go on to bear more children.

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MegaFamilies - Large family support site.
Love Is Archive - Stories of love and kindness.
Road Not Taken - Supporting the Hard Choices in Life.
Joy in Parenting - Practical parenting.
Frugal Infertility - Coping with infertility without medical help.

This site is provided for informational purposes only. The information here is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, and should not replace the care and attention of qualified medical personnel. Use the information on these pages at your own risk, and, as with any information pertaining to health, nutrition, pregnancy, childbirth, or fitness, consult your physician before making any changes that might affect your overall health.