Secondary Infertility after Loss for Christian Women

Leah after Judah - Hope in Secondary Infertility for Christian Women

Infertility After Loss

It was Mother's Day, the first after the death of my infant daughter. As the day progressed I became increasingly saddened. I don't like Mother's Day anyway, it just always makes me feel inadequate when other mothers are idolized and held up as icons without flaw. Me, I've got flaws! Glaring and apparent! This particular Mother's Day was no harder than the rest while at church, but after coming home a heavy feeling settled in me and grew until the tears flowed, then the sobs burst from my heart and I hid in my room to cry it out.

My youngest child was 6 when we began trying to have another baby. He was 8 1/2 before we gave birth to Sidney, and she had died. So much effort, and so much time, and then the much desired child was snatched away. In my grief that afternoon I imagined that I had simply wearied the Lord with pleas for a child until He had given me one, but since I was such an unworthy mother, He had sent one that He would not have to trust me to actually raise.

Oh, I knew better, I really did. But when you want so badly, and the child is taken, and then you try again with no success, things get warped in your mind, and it makes you FEEL unworthy, even if you know in your heart that it simply isn't true.

You say the words, and you really believe, that the Lord isn't doing this to punish you, that it isn't your fault or anything bad you did. But at times, it still FEELS like that is what the problem is.

Faith is tested. And a lesson learned: Faith is not believing so hard that you get what you want. Faith is believing that the Lord still has your best interests at heart even when you DON'T get what you want. Such a painful lesson to learn.

Keep a watch out for signs of serious depression. Moodiness is pretty normal when you are in a stressful situation. Times when you cry are also normal. Infertility after a significant loss can prolong or complicate the grieving process, but you want to be aware if you go down for more than a few days at a time. Or if you enter a time when you can't remember when you last had a good day. Either of those is a sign that you need to get some help, and that more than just grief or discouragement is an issue.

"And she conceived again, and bare a son:and she said, Now I will praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing." Genesis 29:35

This site is titled after this verse, which speaks of Leah. This verse offers hope, because Leah did go on to bear more children.

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This site is provided for informational purposes only. The information here is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, and should not replace the care and attention of qualified medical personnel. Use the information on these pages at your own risk, and, as with any information pertaining to health, nutrition, pregnancy, childbirth, or fitness, consult your physician before making any changes that might affect your overall health.