Leah after Judah - Hope in Secondary Infertility for Christian Women

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Secondary Infertility

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When All The Effort Comes to Naught

Wondering Why

The Unrevoked Commandment

Personal Experiences


Some days are particularly hard. People tell me I have children, why should I be so discouraged about not having more? As though the presence of my kids will take away the yearning in my heart for a child whom I feel the absence of. It doesn't. No more than the presence of remaining children replaces the children I have lost.

I have carried children to term before. I know my body is capable of it, and yet it stubbornly refuses to cooperate now. I took it for granted, the ability to conceive a life and hold it inside me long enough to beget a child to raise. I no longer do. I fully recognize the wondrous miracle that it is.

Infertility hurts. It does not matter when it happens. If the desire to bring a child into the world has entered your mind, filled your thoughts, and tugged at your heart, the denial of that vision seems very personal. Especially for those to whom bearing children is a commandment. If it is commanded, why should the Lord deny me the ability to obey?

Infertility strikes all walks of life. There is less sympathy for those with less affluence, yet they hurt just as deeply, with less ability to seek technological intervention. The well to do suffer too, and often all the resources in the world cannot provide the miracle they desire.

Life marches on around them, oblivious to the monthly cycle of hope, discouragement, and then depression as they determine not to even hope again, and then back to hope again simply because as long as you live you have to hope or you die, even though you wish you could stop hoping so that the cycle of disappointment would stop. They feel to cry, as Rachel, "Give me children, else I die!". But the cries stay within their heart, often unspoken even to God, the full depth of sorrow held down deep and perhaps not even fully acknowledged to themselves.

Were it possible, the purpose of this website would be to dispense the means of realizing their hope, to every woman who suffers denial of the most womanly desires of the heart. As that is not possible, the purpose must be diluted to providing information, comfort, hope, perhaps a little wisdom, and a knowledge that they are not alone, and that the confusion and depth of feeling are normal and acceptable.


"And she conceived again, and bare a son:and she said, Now I will praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing." Genesis 29:35

This site is titled after this verse, which speaks of Leah. This verse offers hope, because Leah did go on to bear more children.

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This site is provided for informational purposes only. The information here is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, and should not replace the care and attention of qualified medical personnel. Use the information on these pages at your own risk, and, as with any information pertaining to health, nutrition, pregnancy, childbirth, or fitness, consult your physician before making any changes that might affect your overall health.

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